I fell asleep on the couch last night in one of those awkward positions – sitting up, kind of, with my neck cocked over on a pillow and my legs stretched out in front of me on the floor. I have asked my husband on numerous occasions to please, please, please not leave me that way. He insists that he “tried” to wake me a couple of times. Hmmm. So, I woke with a kink in my neck and feet that didn’t want to work. I stumbled into bed and slept pretty well. But I woke this morning feeling like I just can’t do a thing. I brushed my teeth and put on my walking clothes. I made it as far as the computer which is across the room from the door to go outside to actually walk. What’s going on with me?
We had a lovely day yesterday, short, but lovely. John had the day off for Veteran’s Day. We decided to meet my mother down at South Coast Plaza. It was a nice half-way point. I hadn’t seen her in a while and wanted to bring her the goodies I bought for her in Amsterdam. Traffic was light because of the holiday. I had walked in the morning so the day was ours. The mall was not at all how I remembered it from my childhood. We walked around the mall and poked in and out of some of the stores. I was surprised at the high-end stores there and wonder how they are making it. Gucci and Louis Vuitton are there. There is a sign that the Prada store will open in 2010. Who is shopping at these stores? My mother had wanted to go to LA Eyeworks to look at frames for glasses but they are no longer at South Coast Plaza. She was disappointed. I told her she needs to come up and visit and I will take her to the store here. We went to lunch at Lawry’s. It was okay. The company was great! The food was just okay. 
I had a Cobb Salad with a generous helping of dry turkey and a rather smooth and sweet blue cheese dressing.
One thing I noticed there, that I wasn’t expecting, was I drew a lot of attention. People stared at me and they were quite blatant about it. Sure I am bigger than most but I found myself getting more and more uncomfortable. I was already uncomfortable in my clothes. My pants are baggier than I would like so I felt, for lack of a better word, kind of clownish. Maybe it was my attitude that drew attention. I don’t know. It certainly wasn’t my experience of Holland where I didn’t feel like people gave a crap about how I looked. I felt judged and awkward yesterday walking through the mall.
We got back to LA later in the day. It was a short visit with Mom. We will see her in two weeks for Thanksgiving. I needed to go to Target and 
Ulta and Trader Joe’s…life maintenance…and it was nice to have John with me for the ride. He had decided he wanted to get a new phone. Last night I took him over to the Verizon store where he got the new Droid phone. WOW…is an understatement. What an amazing piece of technological wonder. It is awesome! I can see it as an iPhone killer for sure. It’s sleek. It’s powerful. It has a slide out qwerty keyboard. Now, I want one. Yes, I have found the phone that will make me give up my Blackberry. I am not due for an upgrade until March. We’ll see what the next four months will bring.
I realize the thing that feels like it is stopping me today is it’s the anniversary of the day we lost our Chuck. Chuck was our fabulous cat! He actually was our neighbor’s cat. Many of you know his wonderful story. He was a big lanky boy of a cat. As our neighbor liked to say about him, “he was his own man.” She got him as a kitten in 1989 and he always had a powerful personality. I met him when I moved here in 1995. He would swagger up the driveway and dane to be pet. He would meow emphatically to get the attention he wanted on his terms. He was an indoor-outdoor cat. He owned the neighborhood. With time our neighborhood and our lives changed. He never came into my apartment because my cat Groucho would have none of it. He would come to the door and ask to come in (as if I had ever let him in) and she would puff up and growl and yell at him through the door. He never gave up. After she passed away and then John moved out here, little did I know, he still hadn’t given up on getting in here. John, the big softy, and Chuck started a beautiful relationship unbeknown to me. As it turns out, one day, John was outside making salmon on the Q for lunch while I was at work. Chuck sauntered up to John and must have said something like, “hey, what’s for lunch? Salmon!? I LOVE salmon!!” I didn’t know this love affair had started and was surprised to find Chuck walking past me up the walk into my apartment one night. 
From that night on, he would come and visit all the time. Some nights he would stay and some nights he would ask to leave to roam his neighborhood. New neighbors moved in with two HUGE dogs. The dogs are not cat friendly and killed one our neighbor’s other cats. It was devastating and terrifying. But Chuck would still insist on wandering the streets at night. We would sleep with one eye open and an ear to the door for him. Then one day he stopped asking to leave at night and we stopped offering. As with most geriatric cats he had his share of illnesses. It was hard to watch this strong independent cat become more and more dependent. Our apartment became a kitty hospice with me getting up early (really, really early) everyday with him and giving him Sub Q fluids and a B12 shot once a week. I cooked a special breakfast for him. I bought him different kinds of foods to tempt him. I cooked fresh salmon or chicken or ground beef. He got pills for his Hyper Thyroid and he got vitamins hidden in meat baby food. The fluids were for his kidney failure (CRF.) And, we loved him like we have never loved another living soul. We were so fortunate to have had the time we had with him! A year ago today he left us. Just as he came to us on his terms and was our neighbor’s cat on his terms he left us on his terms. Yes, he was his own man. And, we miss him!
Physically I feel great today! I know I will feel that much greater if I walk. Maybe I will wait and walk with John tonight. Of course, there is the possibility that John will want to play with his Droid tonight…I don’t know that he will be able to walk and play with his Droid. We’ll see what today brings.